selfish? wear it like a crown! - secondary data
childless by choice talks
(2021). retrieved 13 september 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bat5xqri2o
(2021). retrieved 13 september 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9q644-1lne
(2021). retrieved 13 september 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkokd69jua0
(2021). retrieved 13 september 2021, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_xxc37cdsw
statements from women who did not want to have children.
'i am not a superwoman': guardian readers on being childfree (or not). (2020). retrieved 13 september 2021, from https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/aug/04/guardian-readers-on-being-childfree-or-not-i-am-not-a-superwoman
riessman, c. k. (2000). stigma and everyday resistance practices: childless women in south india. gender and society, 14(1), 111–135. http://www.jstor.org/stable/190424 childfree and feminine: understanding the gender identity of voluntarily childless women kelly, m. (2009). women’s voluntary childlessness: a radical rejection of motherhood? women’s studies quarterly, 37(3/4), 157–172. http://www.jstor.org/stable/27740584
indian articles on childfree
indian women who are choosing to be child-free. (2013). retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-25396743
amrita nandy, an academic researching motherhood and choice, believes that girls in india are brought up to look up to marriage and motherhood as the big inevitable goal in life.
"most women who decide to remain childless tend to be highly educated, urban, english-speaking professionals," she says.
business news today: read latest business news, live india share market news, finance & economy news | mint. (2021). retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://www.livemint.com/
a feminist author telling her story.
urvashi butalia co-founded india’s first feminist publishing house, kali for women, in 1984. she continues to publish and promote books for, on and about women in south asia as the publisher of zubaan. she has edited several collections, and is the author of the other side of silence: voices from the partition of india.
of mothers and others: stories, essays, poems is available in book stores.
bbc news | world | europe | the rise of the 'childfree'. (2021). retrieved 27 september 2021, from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4813590.stm
being childless by choice in the indian society - times of india. (2021). retrieved 30 september 2021, from https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/life-style/relationships/soul-curry/being-childless-by-choice-in-the-indian-society/articleshow/58695326.cms
business news today: read latest business news, live india share market news, finance & economy news | mint. (2021). retrieved 30 september 2021, from https://www.livemint.com/
16 indian women who have somehow led fulfilling lives without children. (2021). retrieved 30 september 2021, from https://www.buzzfeed.com/soniathomas/good-news-nahi-dena-yaar
arts, s. (2021). no baby, we are happy: many women are now thinking twice about having children. motherhood, they feel, should be on their own terms today. retrieved 30 september 2021, from https://www.indiatoday.in/magazine/society-the-arts/story/20130701-women-proffessionals-having-baby-motherhood-764312-1999-11-30
nast, c. (2019). not all women want to have children. retrieved 30 september 2021, from https://www.vogue.in/content/women-choosing-to-be-child-free-stigma
a french woman talking how difficult it is to remain childfree in france.
surpopulation : ils ne veulent pas d'enfant pour préserver la planète. (2021). retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://www.france24.com/fr/france/20210711-surpopulation-ils-ne-veulent-pas-d-enfant-pour-pr%c3%a9server-la-plan%c3%a8te
a french article talking about women who doesn’t want to have a child to help the earth and the global warming condition.
"un enfant de moins, c'est 40 tonnes de carbone par an de gagné"
the women who choose not to be mothers. (2010). retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-10786279
once this was considered insane or unnatural. even today, it is viewed with suspicion - women with no desire to procreate say they sometimes face awkward questions and disapproval.
this articles talks about how friends and families pressure women to have child, and cannot accept that.
kids attached, c. (2020). childfree marriages: no kids attached. retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://www.financialexpress.com/lifestyle/no-kids-attached-childfree-marriages-and-other-challenges/2092295/
an old india women talking about her choice to remain childless and the difficulties and happiness she has faced and gained.
fertility rate, total (births per woman) | data. (2021). retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/sp.dyn.tfrt.in?end=2019&start=1960
un worldwide fertility rate
team, t., kalia, s., team, t., kalia, s., & rakshit, d. (2020). woe is me! "how do i live in india peacefully while choosing not to have children?." retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://theswaddle.com/advice-column-childfree-choice/
indian advocies on childless
shah, m. (2021). why is motherhood forced on women? . retrieved 26 august 2021, from https://yourdost.com/blog/2016/06/post-marriage-motherhood.html?q=/blog/2016/06/post-marriage-motherhood.html&q=/blog/2016/06/post-marriage-motherhood.html&
women are still forced to have children. the inability to understand a woman’s needs leads to pressurizing her to have children. the patriarchal system prevalent in society expects women to have a family and children as their first priority.
motherhood isn’t the same if it is forced - shethepeople tv. (2021). retrieved 26 august 2021, from https://www.shethepeople.tv/top-stories/opinion/motherhood-isnt-the-same-if-it-is-forced/
women considered as mothers, wives and not human beings,. women has the right to chose for herself. motherhood is not a bad thing; a woman can feel empowered by it but only if she wants to have a child. she should not be considered selfish, or judge by society if she doesn’t want to be a mother. motherhood is a choice not a necessity.
book to recommend
of mothers and others: stories, essays, poems
(ed.), jaishree misra
bolick, k. (2015). spinster (1st ed.). little, brown book group.
in this book, the author talks about how women are being forced by our oppressive culture into settling down. she talks a lot a about single women being forced to get married and have children and how ridiculous this is in the 21st century
daum, m. (2015). selfish, shallow, and self-absorbed: sixteen writers on the decision not to have kids (1st ed.). picador. the author and contributors talked a lot about why they do not want to have a child, how it impacted on them and how they were treated by their friends and family for making this choice. they talked everything from the cost of rearing children to their environmental impact as reasons to skip reproduction. one of the authors mentioned how maternal instinct was just fabricated long ago as result of men going to work and women had to stay home to raise children.
statement from other people on being childfree
the reason i chose to focus on childfree women is because of the challenges we face continuously for making this decision. as women, society has placed an expectation on us to "utilize" our fertility and reproduce because of course, women should naturally want to be mothers. often times when we make the childfree choice, no matter what the reason, we are made to feel like we aren't "real" women. we experience these things from all facets of our world. friends, family, strangers, media, religion, education, business establishments, for the most part society as a whole. all of them expect that the culmination of a woman's life is when she becomes a mother. i know this is not true and i know i am not alone. there are many women on this earth currently and those who have been here before us that have accomplished things people could not begin to imagine and yet, they never had children. using reproductive functions to gauge the worth of a woman (or man as the case may be) is wrong and outdated thinking. we are all so much more than that.
people without children are often not looked at as having "real" families. as families continue to evolve and the word is being redefined, we have to realize by now that families are what we make them. simply having a woman, a man and a child or multiple children living in the same house does not make a family. for some, family of any kind is not important, for others it means everything. whether that family includes a biological child should be something that we as individuals should be deciding for ourselves, not society, politics, religion or any other facet of external thought. my immediate family consists of my husband, myself, a fish and our seven cats. to me, it is perfect. although, should some other homeless fur baby in need of love, care and a home find its way to my door then there is the possibility my family could expand and it would just be even more perfect. i also have dear friends i consider family and since you can't predict when a needy fur baby will show up on your doorstep or a new dear friend will make an appearance, there is always the chance my family will expand. but i can say with certainty that it will never expand as a result of me giving birth and i and others who feel the same way should not be judged because of this. not having children is a valid option.
while doing my research, i wanted to create a safe, judgement free community where people of like minds could share ideas, thoughts, frustrations or triumphs. i hope it makes for a space, even if it is a small one, that allows people to feel like they belong and are free to express themselves.
there is also a closed group where people can go to vent in private. no parents are allowed and it is a judgement free zone. any violation of that will get you kicked out. you can find it here: http://www.facebook.com/groups/thechildfreechoice/
"that she bear children is not a woman's significance.
but that she bear herself,
that is her supreme and risky fate."
-d. h. lawrence
“procreation is not the only meaning of life, for then life in itself would become meaningless, and something which in itself is meaningless cannot be rendered meaningful merely by its perpetuation.”
- viktor frankl, m.d., ph.d., austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, holocaust survivor
"...any adult who looks to her children to redress the losses of her own life should probably get out of the parenting business for good." --jennifer finney boylan from she's not there: a life in two genders.
"i never thought i was doing anyone a favour by bringing children into the world. with people as cruel to each other as they are, it’s a terrible proposition. the best of lives are sad and tragic. the best of them. my general conclusion is that it’s not a nice thing to do. the world doesn’t need it. the kid doesn’t need it." (woody allen)
“here's the thing. i hate kids. always have.
i mean, i know the job of the race, biologically speaking, is to achieve immortality through reproduction, but the idea of getting impregnated and blowing up like a balloon as i serve as a carrier and service unit for this other person who will eventually burst out of me in the most terrifying way imaginable, then carry on using me one way or another for the rest of my life, is right up there with throwing myself off the top of a twenty-story building. if i have a biological clock, it is digital and does not tick.”
― isobelle carmody, under my hat
“she was not, herself, hugely in favor of motherhood in general. obviously it was necessary, but it wasn't exactly difficult. even cats managed it. but women acted as if they'd been given a medal that entitled them to boss people around. it was as if, just because they'd got the label which said "mother", everyone else got a tiny part of the label that said "child"...”
― terry pratchett, carpe jugulum
“creating new people, by having babies, is so much a part of human life that it is rarely thought even to require a justification. indeed, most people do not even think about whether they should or should not make a baby. they just make one. in other words, procreation is usually the consequence of sex rather than the result of a decision to bring people into existence. those who do indeed decide to have a child might do so for any number of reasons, but among these reasons cannot be the interests of the potential child. one can never have a child for that child’s sake.”
― david benatar, better never to have been: the harm of coming into existence
"american parents love their children. but it's not enough to say that the sacrifices are worth it because of how great your kids are. if the love that people have for their children were enough, then why do 20 percent of new mothers experience depression? why do some parents abandon or abuse their children? if having children is the best and most wonderful thing we have ever done, then how do we explain to our bundles of joy that a third of them were unplanned?"
--jessica valenti, "why have kids?"
"i think in many cases, your morality is deeply lacking if all you want is a child born, but not a child fed, not a child educated, not a child housed. that's not pro-life. that's pro-birth."
~ sister joan chittister
“no woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether she will or will not be a mother.”
― margaret sanger
“reproductive freedom is critical to a whole range of issues. if we can’t take charge of this most personal aspect of our lives, we can’t take care of anything. it should not be seen as a privilege or as a benefit, but a fundamental human right.”
― faye wattleton
“if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament”
― florynce r. kennedy
“why, why," her mind stuttered, "i believe women could manage everything in the world without men’s help - except having babies, and god knows, no woman in her right mind would have babies if she could help it.”
—scarlett o’hara, from gone with the wind
“childless" women have been burned as witches, persecuted as lesbians, have been refused the right to adopt children because they were unmarried. they have been seen as embodiments of the great threat to male hegemony: the woman who is not tied to the family, who is disloyal to the law of heterosexual pairing and bearing. these women have nonetheless been expected to serve their term for society as missionaries, nuns, teachers, nurses, maiden aunts; to give, rather than sell their labour if they were middle-class; to speak softly, if at all, of women’s condition.”
—
adrienne rich, of woman born: motherhood as experience and institution, tenth anniversary edition (virago press, 1992, first published 1976), pp. 251-2
"yes. contraception leads to more babies born out of wedlock. the exact same way that fire extinguishers cause fires."
~stephen colbert
“you cannot have maternal health without reproductive health. and reproductive health includes contraception and family planning and access to legal, safe abortion”
– hillary clinton, former us secretary of state
“to be engaged in the economic sphere, to create income, to contribute to family health and well-being and to the country’s development, we must have family planning services.”
– roman tesfaye, ethiopia’s first lady
“no woman can call herself free who does not control her own body.”
– margaret sanger, founder of planned parenthood
“it is only when a woman is economically empowered that she can negotiate at household level with her husband about the number of children that body of hers can have.”
- joyce banda, malawi’s first female president
“it's long been accepted as fact that the availability of family planning services saves lives. where women have access to these services, children and families are healthier, and society at large benefits.”
– martha plimpton, american actress and reproductive rights advocate
“young people everywhere have the right to the knowledge, tools and services they need to make informed decisions about their bodies and live full, healthy and productive lives.”
– jill sheffield, founder and president of women deliver
“from the woman who musters the courage to ask her husband to wear a condom, counter to cultural pressures, to the woman in parliament who demands access to affordable reproductive health services for women who need them most, daring knows no scale or status.”
– purnima mane, president and ceo of pathfinder international
“when we talk about ‘reproductive rights’ this is what we mean. it’s the difference between people as objects, and people as agents: between regarding people as pawns on the policy chessboard and recognizing them as the players, the decision-makers, the drivers of policy; autonomous individuals intimately concerned with the direction of their own lives. under these conditions women, especially, enjoy better health and live fuller lives.”
– nafis sadik, special adviser to the un secretary general
“contraceptives unlock one of the most dormant, but potentially powerful assets in development: women as decision-makers. when women have the power to make choices about their families, they tend to decide precisely what demographers, economists, and development experts recommend. they invest in the long-term human capital of their families.”
– melinda gates, co-founder of the bill & melinda gates foundation
famous actor
celebrities speaking out on not having children . (2021). retrieved 5 october 2021, from https://www.harpersbazaar.com/uk/celebrities/news/g21965029/11-celebrities-on-not-having-children/?slide=6
29 famous childfree women who chose not to have kids - slice. (2021). retrieved 5 october 2021, from https://www.slice.ca/20-famous-women-who-chose-not-to-have-kids/
indian articles on childfree
indian women who are choosing to be child-free. (2013). retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-25396743
amrita nandy, an academic researching motherhood and choice, believes that girls in india are brought up to look up to marriage and motherhood as the big inevitable goal in life.
"most women who decide to remain childless tend to be highly educated, urban, english-speaking professionals," she says.
business news today: read latest business news, live india share market news, finance & economy news | mint. (2021). retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://www.livemint.com/
a feminist author telling her story.
urvashi butalia co-founded india’s first feminist publishing house, kali for women, in 1984. she continues to publish and promote books for, on and about women in south asia as the publisher of zubaan. she has edited several collections, and is the author of the other side of silence: voices from the partition of india.
of mothers and others: stories, essays, poems is available in book stores.
bbc news | world | europe | the rise of the 'childfree'. (2021). retrieved 27 september 2021, from http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4813590.stm
a french woman talking how difficult it is to remain childfree in france.
surpopulation : ils ne veulent pas d'enfant pour préserver la planète. (2021). retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://www.france24.com/fr/france/20210711-surpopulation-ils-ne-veulent-pas-d-enfant-pour-pr%c3%a9server-la-plan%c3%a8te
a french article talking about women who doesn’t want to have a child to help the earth and the global warming condition.
"un enfant de moins, c'est 40 tonnes de carbone par an de gagné"
the women who choose not to be mothers. (2010). retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-10786279
once this was considered insane or unnatural. even today, it is viewed with suspicion - women with no desire to procreate say they sometimes face awkward questions and disapproval.
this articles talks about how friends and families pressure women to have child, and cannot accept that.
kids attached, c. (2020). childfree marriages: no kids attached. retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://www.financialexpress.com/lifestyle/no-kids-attached-childfree-marriages-and-other-challenges/2092295/
an old india women talking about her choice to remain childless and the difficulties and happiness she has faced and gained.
fertility rate, total (births per woman) | data. (2021). retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://data.worldbank.org/indicator/sp.dyn.tfrt.in?end=2019&start=1960
un worldwide fertility rate
team, t., kalia, s., team, t., kalia, s., & rakshit, d. (2020). woe is me! "how do i live in india peacefully while choosing not to have children?." retrieved 27 september 2021, from https://theswaddle.com/advice-column-childfree-choice/
indian advocies on childless
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